Courtney (is trademarked)

basically last year around august my dad almost died. he had emphazema,(spelling?) and had a heart attack, and was swollen all over his whole entire body. we finally convinced him to go the hospital, i dont know what it is with males, they just dont want to admit anything is wrong. the drs basically put him straight on oxygen.  well he wasnt still not getting enough oxygen on it, so they knocked him out and put him on a breathing machine. let me just explain something about my father. he smoked, almost two packs a day (he has since quit!) and he used to drink, and doesnt exercise, eats so poorly. well, recently my dad has been having heart problems and was put back in the hospital, and they are pretty sure they are going to have to do open heart surgery on him. its just tough, i can explain the story but i cant even explain my feelings, im speechless. recently i have lost my faith in god, so i feel like i cant even force myself to pray.
If you are religious, this is a huge deal. I will know more on thursday and i guess thats that.


I have also been having trouble in other aspects of my life as well.
Corey, my sons father is a competely , douche bag. very informal word but frankly its the best one out there for him.
he has been out of jail since the 17th of dec. I know, I pick the winners. I decided the christian thing to do was to forgive him and give him another change. I knew it would come back and bite me on the ass. He was texting his ex girlfriend when he first got out and i told him i didnt appericate it and if he wanted to work things out with me, he had to let the past go. he was okay with that and even showed me the bill to show he had not been calling or texting her. Well the other day he gives me his email address and password to check something and i get ont here and sure enough, two months and a half months worth of emails back and forth. what he had been doing is signing onto this on his phone and writing her there so it would not show up on the bill. he must have "forgotten" and i discovered it all.
i know its clishe but once a cheater always a cheater.
he then began a 4 hour long calling me and texting me and crying for me to forgive him but i cant. i just cant, i need to move on and even if my son hates me, at least i know i tried, for him, to be a "normal " family. but i cant be walked all over.

on top of that, i have been swamped with a feud between friends. A friend of mine is dating another "friend". they both tell me things not to tell theo ther person, and conscienciously put me in the middle of everything.


other tha that i have just been tied down with essay after essay for my english class. DARN YOU ENGLISH COMP.

with getting corey and those friends out of my life, and very hopeful tha tmy dad wil be healthy, and now its supposed to get better.


i will post more this week, i have a bunch of random pictures i need to post


and for my happy mail partner, i have not forgotten you!