Thursday, February 25, 2010

The other day my son and i ventured off to the science center. I dont know if they have one in your area but its a free place you can go and just look at all things science.  for reference. well of  course they have a pretty awesome gift store. and they had Astronaunt food! I have always wanted to try it. FREEZED DRIED FOOD. doesnt that just sound yummy?

As i looked the only thing that seems to interest my tummy was the freeze dried ice cream.
How can anyone botch ice cream. I mean they even deep fry it. it cant be that bad, so i purchased some and went home.

I later went over to Andrew's house and conned him into trying some with me.

looks yummy right? the store clerk told me it was SO GOOD. and that it had the same texture as the marshmellows in lucky charms. ( they were wrong, very wrong.) It by far has been one of the nastiest things I have ever tasted in my entire life. Andrew was not a big fan of it either. I dont even think he swallowed his.

"yay im so excited!"

It was the hardest thing ever,  think of biting straight into a jawbreaker

not impressed

"I really hate you for doing this to me"


It was by the far, i cant even describe it! I do not suggest this to anyone, maybe though, your worst enemy.

Friday, February 19, 2010

tonite my son is with his father, now his father is a total pos, i am so beyond mad so this is going to be a rant. i cant believe the lenghts my sons father will go, i totally regret ever being with him. the fact of the matter is, my son is with him right now and he left ethan call me to say goodnight but to make me mad, he hung up the phone on me, when i call back, if i didnt say goodnight within the first five seconds he would hang up on me, like im only  allowed to say goodnight to my son. not even ask him how his day was. not do anything. What am i supposed to do? put up with this shit because of my son? corey has no rights. REPEATING he has no rights what so ever. so why do i have to put up with all this bullshit all  the time? seriously? i chose to let ethan go over there to help my son out, cause believe me i get nothing out of it. I guess whenever i get him back im just going only let ethan call corey when he wants to, or tells me he does, no longer will i make him call him. no longer will i just let him have him every other weekend. because im sick to death of this.
I have no one to talk to and no one to get advice from. everyone i know is actually in a marriage with the person they have kids with and in love, and i feel like im the odd man out. corey has never been around. he was put in jail two days after i had ethan. then got out for a year. was still never around. would tell me he was coming to get ethan and never show up.

so now i finally got to tell ethan goodnight, after calling back to back 15 times in a row. after that corey has the nerve to tell me "youre welcome". fuck you, im not going to thank you for something that you should be doing and that i do for you on a nightly basis and wait, you didnt even do for me, cause you would hang up the phone on  me.  a person can only take so much before she snaps, yano?

i know im very personal on this blog, and im sure a lot of you are like, just deal with it, but when you are in the situation, its best to just vent, and then ask for advice. i dont know, i hope i dont offend anyone with anything i post.

here are some awesome quotes with some pretty pictures attatched!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

why am i fiening for spring? i just cant wait, the first nice day im going to go to the park, taking a blanket and just reading all day.

 i of course will take a picnic, and it will be amazing. i might even fish to pass the time.
Spring will also mean my allerigies going into full blast. and humid humid days where my hair is a frizzy mess. but it also means, spring dresses!

i just bought this at forever 21, im stoked to wear it to be honest, i usually only wear dressed with black stockings, because im terribly afraid of my white legs. i was once told they looked like milk bottles, and that image has stayed with me forever lol

Other than sitting here dreaming about spring, a lot has happened in my life. I had to change my number because of Corey, seriously its gotten that bad. Ever since i found out that he was talking to his ex girlfriend behind my b ack, he refuses to be nice to me. Im pretty sure that if you do something bad to someone, they are the one supposed to be mad at you, not the other way around. I told him that there will be no more talk about us in a relationship and only talk about ethan. He says he wants to take me to court. I told him that we can sit down and type up an agreement and then going to a dmv and get it noterized. he still will not do that. that he doesnt need to sign anything to see his kid. I told him its not the most formal way of doing things but it will hold up in the court. and then he goes ona nd on about not wanting to see me and never talking to me again. Im sorry corey, but you have a kid with me, we will always have to talk, wether we go to the courts or handle it ourselves.

here is some parts of our converstation. i had asked him if he was bring ashley around ethan cause i felt as though i had a right to know who was around him
corey: anyway its no big deal.. i dont care 6:08 PM

Me: alright 6:08 PM

corey: whatever Courtney.. always the same god Damn answers.. 6:10 PM

corey: after this coming up friday, i dont want anything to do with you.. nothing 6:12 PM

corey: dont ask me for anything.. as soon as i get this job, im just going to go though the courts.. i dont trust you 6:14 PM

Me: you dont trust me because all i did was say alright? im sorry but im busy, i dont have time to sit here and discuss with you these things. 6:17 PM

Me: youre just mad cause youre not hearing the answers you want to hear. i told you why i wanetd to know, why do youw ant it to be a bigger thing then it is? 6:17 PM

corey: you never did before either, only if you get something from it.. 6:18 PM
corey: (RE:2/2)no thats bullshit.. its was never about me.. if you were pissed about anything it was always my fault or you blamed me and that happend when it w 6:24 PM

corey: asnt my fault.. 6:24 PM

Me: why does it even matter what our relationship was? that is over and done with, right now and forward its just about ethan. and us raising him together. 6:25 PM

Me: yet you want to go into this huge thing and hate me because i wont be wtih you bcause of what you did. you keep fucking me over and then bitch when ive had enough 6:25 PM

Me: you think its fair to ethan to have his dad and mom fight? no its not, ive been nothing but civil with you, youre the one that wants to fight all the time. 6:26 PM

Me: the thing is, youre always going to have to deal with me, even if the courts decide it. even if the judge gives you those days, we will still have to talk. 6:26 PM

Me: i dont know why you cant just be nice to me like you were when you were in jail, why you have to fight wtih me 6:26 PM

corey: i dont like you, thats why.. 6:27 PM

Me: you dont like me because i wont be with you. ive done everything, told you to call ethan, trying to give you days to see him. but you want to fight, thats great for ethan. 6:28 PM

Me: hes going to grow up and think, oh my dad didnt call me because he doesnt like my mom, or he didnt come see me cause he doesnt like my mom. 6:29 PM

Me: you think youre hurting me, but youre hurting ethan. its kind of sad that you got to stoop to this level, that you cant just be an adult and grow up and realize you have a kid, you need to man up and realize that it takes a lot to riase a child 6:29 PM

corey: because youre mad that im friends with her.. youre jealous 6:19 PM

Me: never did what? 6:19 PM

Me: im not jealous. believe me, but i have a right to know whos around my kid, you can be friends with whoever you wantyou can be with who ever you want,justdidntthink it would be a week later 6:20 PM
Me: you think i like you? not in the very least but im the one telling you to call ethan, im the one asking you if you want to take ethan for the weekend, im the onetrying to get you involved in his life. 6:30 PM

corey: (RE:2/2)will you shut the fuck up.. i cant even hear your voice and youre giving me a headache.. 6:31 PM

Me: you just want to go to court with me because its you know it will be longer till you have to man up and be a father. 6:31 PM


Me: fine ill just tell ethan that you dont want to see him this weekend. goodbye 6:32 PM

corey: no, i want to go to court so when the judge grants me my rights for him i can laugh in you face.. 6:33 PM

Me: youre insane, because he was sleeping when you FINALLY called? okay, and i work take care of ethan and have school i dont have time to sit on the phone texting you why i dont want to be wtih you, its not even about that 6:33 PM

Me: why would it even matter if the judge grants you rights, im trying to give them to you anyways, you moron. 6:33 PM

i know that i should keep my cool and not call him names but he makes me so angry. he wnats to take me to court to get "rights" when im trying to let him see his kid and talk to him and he wont.
I changed my number and made a google voice number and gave him that, that way i can block him if he starts harassing me. it also can record converstations you have with someone, and i have a lot saved where he is royally going off on me, and it saves every single text message ever. so i think i have a pretty good case that i have tried to let ethan and corey have a relationship.

other than that my father had a surgery to put a stint in his heart, and everything went okay, he stayed in the hosptial longer than expected because his emzymes were low, but everything is okay now!
thank you for anyone who prayed or even thought about him in any way.

Today is valentines day and me and my ex (another one who im very good friends with ) are going to see valentines day at the movies, i hope its really good.

I have been doing a lot of interior decorating, even though i still live with my parents, i buy all this stuff to store away so when i get my degree and move out, im not sitting on milk crates looking at the mall
here is some of my inspiration.

the last one is my old art teachers house. you cant see what makes it amazing, but i used to clean his house for spare cash. He has records in every inch of his house, and it was just a really cool place.

I hope everyone has a wonderful valentines day! and i leave you with this

Monday, February 8, 2010

basically last year around august my dad almost died. he had emphazema,(spelling?) and had a heart attack, and was swollen all over his whole entire body. we finally convinced him to go the hospital, i dont know what it is with males, they just dont want to admit anything is wrong. the drs basically put him straight on oxygen.  well he wasnt still not getting enough oxygen on it, so they knocked him out and put him on a breathing machine. let me just explain something about my father. he smoked, almost two packs a day (he has since quit!) and he used to drink, and doesnt exercise, eats so poorly. well, recently my dad has been having heart problems and was put back in the hospital, and they are pretty sure they are going to have to do open heart surgery on him. its just tough, i can explain the story but i cant even explain my feelings, im speechless. recently i have lost my faith in god, so i feel like i cant even force myself to pray.
If you are religious, this is a huge deal. I will know more on thursday and i guess thats that.

I have also been having trouble in other aspects of my life as well.
Corey, my sons father is a competely , douche bag. very informal word but frankly its the best one out there for him.
he has been out of jail since the 17th of dec. I know, I pick the winners. I decided the christian thing to do was to forgive him and give him another change. I knew it would come back and bite me on the ass. He was texting his ex girlfriend when he first got out and i told him i didnt appericate it and if he wanted to work things out with me, he had to let the past go. he was okay with that and even showed me the bill to show he had not been calling or texting her. Well the other day he gives me his email address and password to check something and i get ont here and sure enough, two months and a half months worth of emails back and forth. what he had been doing is signing onto this on his phone and writing her there so it would not show up on the bill. he must have "forgotten" and i discovered it all.
i know its clishe but once a cheater always a cheater.
he then began a 4 hour long calling me and texting me and crying for me to forgive him but i cant. i just cant, i need to move on and even if my son hates me, at least i know i tried, for him, to be a "normal " family. but i cant be walked all over.

on top of that, i have been swamped with a feud between friends. A friend of mine is dating another "friend". they both tell me things not to tell theo ther person, and conscienciously put me in the middle of everything.

other tha that i have just been tied down with essay after essay for my english class. DARN YOU ENGLISH COMP.

with getting corey and those friends out of my life, and very hopeful tha tmy dad wil be healthy, and now its supposed to get better.

i will post more this week, i have a bunch of random pictures i need to post

and for my happy mail partner, i have not forgotten you!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

i am so sorry i have not been around. it feels like my life is basically crumbling around me and i have no means to stop it. have you ever left like that? i feel like i have no control over anything anymore, and im a christian and i pray but its not working to my favor, and its kind of making me loose faith. i dont know what to do anymore. i cant really explain right now but i promise to make a more detailed post no later than friday!

i hope you guys have having a good week. god bless