i am so sorry i have not been around. it feels like my life is basically crumbling around me and i have no means to stop it. have you ever left like that? i feel like i have no control over anything anymore, and im a christian and i pray but its not working to my favor, and its kind of making me loose faith. i dont know what to do anymore. i cant really explain right now but i promise to make a more detailed post no later than friday!


i hope you guys have having a good week. god bless

I think I am just to the point where i am fed up with guys. i cant handle it anymore. what else am i supposed to do? the one person who i thought would change, well guess what? he didnt. anyone could see it coming. I dont relate to anyone and i dont even have that high of standards. I just want someone who isnt boring/annoying, someone that cares about family, is actually going somewhere in life. can hang out with my friends without having a panic attack and like freaking out, who isnt so negative all the time and whines alot. someone who likes watching movies, reading books and going to concerts. oh and who is decent looking, im shallow what can i say.

corey and i have not been getting along. he wants to try to work things out. and i have tried. but i just cant trust him, he tells me hes going to bed at 8 pm. of course i dont trust him and he gets mad, which just makes me think why are you going to bed then. are you just telling me this and really going out?

I hav given up, there is nothing to do. If you cant trust someone what else can you do?


yesterday this lady came into my work, i work at a dog groomers and asked me why her dog was in a cage, i began to tell her, that her dog didnt bite anyone or acted like it was going to but it did bark at other dogs so by law and regulations we have to lock it up. she began to flip out on me saying that thats out of her dogs nature and that her dog would never bark at another dog. her dog is a german shephard. and of course, he is a dog, its nature for them to bark. she said that she is not bringing him back ever and that its a shame i work at a dog grooming place. i told her its not a problem or and issue, but you asked why the damn dog was locked up so i wasnt going to lie to you. then she busted in the back where it clearly says employees only and goes, well if youre so scared of him ill get himself.
I dont hate the public but i dont really like it either. its not a shame i work at a dog grooming place. i dont actually groom the dogs, but if a big huge german shephard is barking at everything that walks by it, im not going to go up to it and pet it. i just cant believe the nerve of some people.
So she tells me that she is going to call my boss and tell her its a shame you have people like me working at a dog grooming place if i am scared of some of the dogs and that its not of this dogs nature to bark at at other dogs and it was something i was doing. i couldnt believe my ears. ITS A DOG! its going to bark, thats what they do. luckily when i talked to my boss

i made my valentines day cards for Lindsay's valentines day card swap

all my awesome supplies!

which one will YOU get?! lol

other than that, now will school starting up i have been super busy. i already wrote my first essay that is not due for another week but i figured it will give me some free time later this week to do nothing but relax and catch up on my dvr shows.
the weather here in st louis has been insane, after about 6pm you cant see the road, its so foggy

that is a shop n save, i was literally standing right in front of it and couldnt even see the sign.

my first full tank of gas in 2010! im a nerd but i take joys in the fact that im getting out of debt.

and thats all for now, but i leave you with this to go on your way...

p.s does anyone think they might want to do like a blogger showcase with me in it? i am seriously lacking on the follower front. it would be amazing if you could and i promise to repay you in any way shape or form. besides money, im really broke!

i am so exhausted, ethan and i usually get up at 830. but since school started i have been getting up at 730 and its just been crazy. i dont know why losing an hour of sleep makes you so tired but it really really does. they dont even really waste any time before giving you loads of homework, which i did after work today so im all caught up, yay for long baths for the kid!

so since im like brain dead, ill leave you with some pictures.

look at this yucky spider i found in my MAILBOX! i dont have the heart to kill it but im pretty sure its pregnant. its huge! i did some reasearch and im pretty sure its a crabspider? i could be wrong. It will just guard my mail!

the cutest dog my boss owns at our work. Its a poodle and look at those big blue eyes!

it follows me around all day and i cant help but love it but i dont want to spend 700 on a dog!

i know its true but, damn, i got offended! mother gene i suppose, maybe if he wasnt so blunt.

ethan and myself.

1/12/10

is it me, or is DALE EARNHARDT in my city?! lol he does own a raceway here, but i doubt its him. why would you drive around in that and create attention if you were just visiting.

i know my town is the meth capital of the world ( it is sadly =[ ) but do we have to have hooisers as well?

today i found this tick at work, i work at a dog groomers so it probably came in on one of the dogs, but look at that thing! its huge. so since im a known tomboy, I......

cut it open~! it was FULL of blood. i have never seen a tick this big, but i did some research and its a cow tick. im used the smaller black ticks. 

here is my banner, my computer sucks and i had to use paint! so bare with it lol

if you guys could put this on your page, and maybe make a post for people to add me? i would be FOREVER ( think of stand by me and the awesome chunk face jerry oconnell used to be)

the code is :

<a href="http://courtneytm.blogspot.com/"> <img src="http://i49.tinypic.com/2me7sk3.png" /></a>

time and time again

today has been, i dont even know the word for it really. I started school today, i have not been in school since 2004. that is when i dropped out. I was oddly nervous when i woke up this morning but i got to school and everything was fine. it was psychology and she did not waste anytime making us take notes and stuff and giving us homework. next class we have to dress up as our "favorite mental illness" and i have no idea what to do. everyone is going to do bi polar and stuff so i dont want to do that. i was thinking Trichotillomania. and buying a cheap wig at the halloween store that stays open year round and just pulling about some of the hair and cut it in round patches and have some laying on the desk around me. or is this pathetic? What are some of your suggestions?

I have been fighting super badly with the ex. Ethans father, i jsut dont know what to do anymore. I dont know how to control the fights once they are started, its so complicated. Friday night he calls me up and tells me he wants ethan the next night and that he was going to bed and calling me when he woke up, i said okay. i waited and waited, he doesnt have a cell phone because he just got out of jail in dec and his parents each have cells. no house phone. i called both of  them. neither answered, so i called them back in a hour and let ethan leave a message, still no answer. i finally get a call around 2 pm. its him. he tells me hes at his friend joshs house. i said okay how long have you been over there. to which he replied 730 this morning. i knew that was a total lie. i have a kid and i dont even wake up that early (okay i do now cause school has started but still, at this point, it was a vaild point lol) i just knew in the pit of my stomach that something wasnt right yano. girls i know you get that ify feeling, that sick to your stomach, blood pumping, heart racing, anxious feeling, you are usually right? well usually i am, so i said, cut the shit corey just tell me whats up, he finally admitted that he had went over there after i got off the phone with him and stayed the night.
i dont care what he does. but DONT LIE TO ME, i dont get why he has to, and why he feels the need to, but its fucking annoying.

so heres a list of things i was angry about
-he didnt even let me know he was leaving, without a phone, and wouldnt be there the next day when he was supposed to get ethan, knowing i would call
-lied to me about being there at 730 in the morning.
- waiting untill 2 to even call me, when he knew he wanted ethan, so if i had anything planned for the daytime, i would be screwed

I want to point out i am not mad if he goes and hangs out with his friends, we arent even together. even if we were i dont try to control my boyfriends, but in this circumstance, it was beyond messed up

Ethan goes to bed at 830. if he left joshs, he would get home , and get the car adn finally be at my house around 430, and then wouldnt return to his house till 5. okay, i dont see why you would waste most of theday with your friends but whatever.

so we argued which turned into, im a bitch, im a that, im a this. but what really took the cake is the fact that he said "he is MY son."
EXCUSE ME?! you were in jail for three years. and even before then you werent dad of the year, so let me correct you. you cannot even claim you are anything but a sperm donor untill you prove it.
we argued some more and all the past came up. i finally snapped at him and he shut up. he did end up getting ethan, and then brought him home the next day. but not untill 8. again he goes to bed at 830 and i was annoyed that i would only get 30 or so mins with him before he goes to bed. corey could not understand this and we had begun to argue some more. he finally calmed down and said, i only get so riled up because you get mad and yell at me (well stop doing stupid things?) and call me names ( i dont call a shoe a shoe, unless its a shoe, wait what?! lol) so i fire back. we lack the communication so very badly. so maybe just maybe things can get better? i dont know, he wants to talk about it on thursday when i have my break from classes.

i dont get why baby mamas get all the bad reps, i dont cause any problems, i dont start any shit. i just want my son to know his dad, and have a little free time (im entitled!).

half of those girls if not a third of them, the dads wants to be in their kids life. i have to just beg for things to go right with mine. its just heartbreaking. i know three years in jail can change someone, so heres hoping!


school was fun and im glad im back in it, it makes me feel like im actually going somewhere in my life
the teacher was calling out roll call and said "courtney quinn, that sounds like a movie star's name" and i dont think she meant dr quinn medicine woman either lol.

only the lonely

Kaelah tagged me in 7 things post over at her blog (by the way check her out!) so I'm going to attempt to do it myself.

1.  I hate being single and I hate being in a relationship. I dont want to have someone ask me where i am and what im doing and feel guilty for being a little flirty, because thats who i am, but i hate being single, esp when i see a couple and they are being really cute and have the same style and a little bit of me dies inside.

2. I am the black sheep of my family. but in a good way if that makes sense. All my family either has a co dependancy of alcohol or pot. I dont drink or do drugs, they let it control them. this is not my extended family, just my immediate family.

3. I can resite movies and tv shows with no problem, but when it comes to songs i can never remember the words. and at times it really drives me crazy. I usually just make up my own words so i dont look like an idiot. but i always say them quietly so no one can really hear it.

4. I am obsessed with marilyn monroe. I find her life inspiring. I usually get into fights with my parents, friends, neighbors, even strangers on her death and her life and defend her. she is someone i can really relate to, she had mental disease and i have ocd, and she was just trying to be the best actress and wife and survive, and im just trying to be the best mother and friend and survive.

5. When i was younger all i wanted to be was a stand up comedian, i would sit and watch comedy central all the time, i was really outgoing and hyper in high school, but then after that i became shy and i felt like i could never go on stage and do that, so i have changed my mind

6. Im super shy when you first meet me, but after i warm up to you, i will never shut up. in my group of friends i have to be the center of attention. its hell for my boyfriends to get me to meet their families, i never want to do it. i get all sweaty and i dont know what to talk about, so i just sit tehre like a fly on the wall.

7.  i am very short tempered. it takes a while for me to get fired up but once i do there is no stoping me, its true what they say about red heads, we are crazy!



I dont even have seven people on my followers list so i tag the five people i do have! lol

Today has been such a lazy day. I woke up and went to the post office to get the giveaway prize from kaelah bees blog. they could not deliever it because of my drive way. i absoultley love it!



(i had already put the cupcake ornament on my tree, yes its still up! i am lazy)


Also today I worked on my painting by numbers. it was one of my new years resolutions to finish one. here is the progress i have made thus far.


day one









I picked out the hardest one with the most detail. I turn on the music and turn off my phone and it really is relaxing. I suggest you guys try it


After i got it from the post office and painted I went to target and finally tried on that Rodarte for Target blue dress and a couple of other things.



I bought it to see what i can do with it. obviously i am not going to wear the black bra with it, but i wasnt going to try it on without one.
Hopefully it can look right on me or to ebay it goes! I tried on a bunch of their other stuff from the collection, but nothing looked right on me, i wanted the ribcage dress but it was out of my size, i might go to another target just to see.


I also cleaned a lot to get ready for school. im kind of nervous about it really. its been a long time and i need to get some things figure out on how to study and whatever because i have no skillz lol


In boy news, im still single, like always but i kind of like it that way. I made amends with one of my exs. two years in the waiting. i dont plan on ever getting back together with him or anything, but its nice that im on good terms with every single one of my exs. even the ones that were the horrible break ups. you know the kind were you call over and over and over till they pick up, you fight and then someone hangs up only to repeat the cycle over and over again.

okay well that is all for now, hopefully more things start to pick up so i have actually stories to tell.


things i need to do before sunday
-get my eyebrows waxed
-put my parking sticker on my car
-clean out my trunk in my car
-SLEEP


and yes, i have seen the bangwagon and jumped on it.


http://www.formspring.me/courtneyTM

Okay now that I have figured some of this out, lets get an introduction going.


I am Courtney. HI! I will never be perfect at my grammar. I just type a little to fast to care i suppose.
I am 23 and Im a mother to a son who is four. We both live in St. Louis MO. Just think of the state with the Arch in it.

I am a student at the local community college here.

I am battling o.c.d and trying to find other alternatives to medicine for my cure.

My passions are Fashion, Photography, Film, Literature, and Journalism. I also collect owls and marilyn monroe stuff.

Maybe one day I can photograph the stars and models on the runway and write about them in a newspaper or magazine.

maybe one day.


from this i hope to document my life and just have it as a way to look back on things, harriet the spy style.

I hope to just have an outlet and be happy and have it be a postive experience while i share my life with all of you.


This is my son and myself, we like to be goofy.


things that inspire me





LOOK AT ALL THAT STORAGE! my heart is melting!

mmmm vintage.

well that is all for now.